Teaching: Romanticized Idealism? Mistakes and Improvements

Sorry for the long lapse. I find that the interval between each positing is getting longer. Anyway, mango season is coming to a close and my affinity for mangoes surprisingly was short lived. I’m typing at the computer in the principals office at school. I’m actually teaching maths (Belizeans mimic the British and put an “s” after math and for some reason I can’t stand this. I still write and say “math” out of spite though) summer school. It started two weeks ago and will be ending this Friday. It’s not that bad because it’s only an hour and a half every day and I only have 6 students. However they are from first, second, and third forms which makes planning lessons difficult.

I thought it would be appropriate to share some reflections on what teaching has been like during the last year. I have complained about it a lot but at the same time it has made me more aware of both my strengths and weaknesses, what it’s like to be a teenager growing up in Belize City, and clarified what teacher is supposed to be.

When I applied to JVI I expressed that I’d prefer to do some type of social work instead of teaching. Second semester senior year, I took a philosophy and education course where I came to believe that education can be liberating in itself. After taking this course I was excited to have the opportunity to teach the following year. John Dewey and Rosseau, simply put, describe a teacher more as a guide to students than the holder and dictator of knowledge. I hoped I could do the same. I had the idealistic aspirations of students teaching themselves with me acting as their guide. I wanted my students to appreciate learning for its own sake and see that it can be a source of pleasure and satisfaction. I knew that I would be teaching students who would be rougher and ruder than most students but still I believed they would value what they were doing in class. Ha! “Ah me had mi head eena di cloud den.”

My idealistic aspirations were quickly shot down. I was shocked by the basic level of so many of my students. They were not able to read smoothly, structure a sentence (let alone be able to differentiate between a sentence from a line on lined paper), recite their times tables, complete long division, and for some add and subtract two digit numbers. They were rude, disrespectful, inattentive, and careless. I realize now that my expectations to begin with were high even for a mainstream high school. So I was bound to be disappointed regardless of where I was teaching.

This shock didn’t last for long. After a couple of months I had a better idea of what my students were and weren’t capable of doing. I was able to discern what was challenging and what was simple and plan my lessons and assess them accordingly. However, the biggest cause of my frustration was classroom management.

Many of you know I am not very confrontational and at times am reserved. Though these aren't bad qualities, teaching requires sternness and the ability to command authority. I didn’t feel comfortable dictating what to do in front of a class of 30 students from a different culture when I couldn’t even understand what they were saying for the first month. It was difficult for me to feel like I was in control and get my students respect. I thought that easiest and surest way to create this state would be through reprimanding and yelling. Since these methods are permissible to teachers and not students I thought exercising them would remind my students whose boss. Accordingly, during my first months of teaching I was quick to give demerits and yell whenever someone wasn’t doing what they were supposed to be doing. I realize now that these actions only compounded an already bad situation.

Also when looking back to when I went to high school, I remember that whenever a teacher raised his/her voice, the whole class became quiet. I thought this was universal. Whenever I raise my voice to my students, though, they get defensive and argue back with a louder and more aggressive tone.

I had the same mentality with detention. When I was in high school detention for me and many of my classmates was shameful. I remember crying the first time I ever got detention. I was in seventh grade. It was during lunch and some of my friends were throwing food at another table. The monitor held us all after lunch and put us on detention, not personal detention, but office detention. A slip had to written out with our name on it, handed to the principal. After school we had to report to the A.A. (attitude adjustment) room for an hour. I was thankful I was able to leave school early for all-county band practice and missed the detention. I still felt horrible.

Sorry bout that. Back to Belize and my students. Detention and demerits don’t work for most Sadie Vernon students. There was one time though I did give a demerit to first form girl and made her cry. She never got a demerit in her life. I felt awful about it because two people in her group didn’t do their part of the assignment and as a result she couldn’t do hers. But they she had to realize that everyone has to accept responsibility for each other when you work in groups especially when your grade depends on everyone else’s participation. The girl also reminds me of my sister so I felt horrible when she started to cry. Anyway the students who care if you put them on detention or give them a demerit will argue about it and question your authority. This causes even more distractions in class so I learned that doing so exacerbates the situation.

Over Christmas break I started to read up on teaching and classroom management (something I should’ve done more of before I started). All the books I read and all the people who I talked to explained that when a teacher raises his/her voice or yells at a student it displays that he has no control over the situation and shows students that they have the potential to manipulate the teachers emotions. Shouting also reflects poorly of oneself to students and ones co-workers.

The books elaborated on the responsibilities teachers have in addition to lecturing and highlighted the power of positive reinforcement. When students know that positive behavior will be recognized and rewarded they become more aware of their actions and are more likely to want to do well.

As a result teaching has been a lot easier, much more enjoyable, and less time consuming during the last months of the school year (though there were times when it seemed I was back in September). I am thankful for having the opportunity to see improvements in myself and my students however minimal they are.

When comparing my idealistic intention of teaching to the actual reality I do not wish I never had these intentions to begin with. Teaching thus far has allowed me to juxtapose all the bravado of teaching and education with its reality. I still believe education and spiritual fulfillment can be liberating and rewarding for anyone whether rich or poor. However, I realize that idealism can be unhealthy if one doesn’t recognize the reality of the situation he is in. It can prevent one from dealing with reality most effectively. Here’s what I mean:

The Belize City reality is one where only half of Belizean teenagers finish secondary school, one where children don’t get the parental support at home, one where money is never easy to come by, one where female students have to dress, bathe and cook for their younger siblings, and one where the sense of hopelessness and neglect seems to affect everyone in some form.

When faced with these obstacles the value of education and learning just for the sake of learning becomes too abstract. There are so many obstacles that can prevent one from recognizing the joy that learning about something new and unfamiliar can bring. Sometimes those need to take precedent. If I stuck to my plan of structuring my classes to give students more of an opportunity to teach themselves and do discovery learning as I wanted to do initially, I would have lost them and it would’ve added even more to all of their frustrations. If I failed to recognize a student who put in a lot of effort into her work just because that’s what she was expected to do, I would’ve never been able to earn her respect and have her care about what she was learning.

As a result, given very loose control over what needs to be taught in each form, I tried to structure my lessons and choose topics that would allow my students and myself see progress. I realize now that the self-confidence and satisfaction that comes from completing something that is minute to the larger goals is the first step in working towards something that is ideal.